In any family with multiple children, some children require more attention than others, regardless of an ASD diagnosis. However, siblings of children with ASD are commonly left to their own devices or feel neglected because, from their perspective, the majority of the parent's/caregiver’s attention and energy center around the child with ASD.
This is understandable, but it is also an area of concern since research comparing the academic, social, and emotional well-being of neuro-typical children and their ASD siblings shows siblings without ASD have higher rates of:
Fortunately, there are plenty of things parents and loved ones can do to support non-autistic siblings and improve their sense of self-worth as well as their ability to navigate the complex household and social dynamics inherent when a child has ASD.
Research on the siblings of children with autism, published in 2023, states:
“...non-autistic siblings of autistic individuals experienced decreased psychological well-being, less perceived social support, increased aggressiveness and conflict-proneness, and higher levels of anxiety and stress impacting their quality of life.”
The good news is that children are resilient, and families have been navigating the myriad of differing needs between neurotypical and neuro-divergent children (or children with special needs) since the beginning of time. There are plenty of ways for you to support your child(ren) without ASD so they feel seen, heard, and valued while also allowing them space to process and be honest about their struggles.
We focus far more on supporting autistic children and their families than promoting our work in the community. However, we feel very strongly that consulting with ABA professionals who specialize in family systems is one of the best things you can do to support both your child with ASD, their siblings, and yourselves!
Many of the behaviors, outbursts, or quirks that make life difficult for people sharing space with an autistic child become far less of an issue once ABA is and will carefully craft an assessment-based intervention to address these issues, and thus, increase the functioning of individuals with a disability in their daily life.
The earlier we integrate the personalized recommendations based on applied behavioral analysis, the smoother your home life will be, and the easier it will be for siblings.
Kids are wired to be compassionate. But the more we understand about someone else, the easier it is to be compassionate. Your pediatrician, ABA team, and community autism support (see #4) are all resources for how much to share with your other child and help them learn what autism is and why their sibling does some of the things they do.
Younger children benefit from reading books about autism and siblings with their parents and what it’s like for siblings. As parents, we recommend Brothers, Sisters & Autism: A Parent’s Guide. Read (or listen to) that first.
Some of our favorites for children are:
Children often glean far more from the third-party delivery of information and experiences than having yet another “conversation” about topics that concern them.
It’s important for young people without ASD to learn how the disorder affects their siblings: reactivity/meltdowns, difficulty with change, inability to read social cues, etc., and how to respond (or not respond) to certain behaviors.
Yes, we must learn to be patient, compassionate, and kind. However, most siblings of children with autism are going to feel the full spectrum of “negative” emotions about their experience. Children who live with a sibling of a child with ASD frequently feel:
All these feelings are valid and should be listened to, supported, and normalized. Community support is hugely helpful for this.
You don’t have to carve out whole hours or days to make a non-ASD child feel like they’re special and worthy of attention, too. Recent studies show that just five minutes of your undivided attention makes a world of difference in how a child feel about themselves and their bond with you.
This article, The Power Of Play, talks about how five minutes of special time can make a world of difference.
And, of course, it’s also ideal to do everything you can to allow children with ASD to do at least one physical and one intellectual thing that supports them. Your community of parents is there to help with carpooling, ride-sharing, or after-school support if you need it. Ensuring your child(ren) without ASD can participate in normal afterschool activities supports their independence and identity-building.
Take advantage of the resources and community-based autism support available to you. If you’ve partnered with behavioral analysis specialists, they can refer you to the best resources in the area.
One of the first and most important ways to support your child without ASD is only relying on them in the same ways you would if their sibling was neurotypical. They should not be a built-in aide or behavioral mediator.
We also recommend:
Learning how to best support your neurodivergent child with ASD or Asperger's Syndrome goes a long way toward helping their sibling and other family members. The Autism Response Team offers Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) designed to enable individuals with a disability to participate in life’s activities through services provided at our clinics. Please reach out to us and schedule a free, no-obligation ABA consultation.
Through our carefully crafted treatment plan, our BCBAs identify the individual needs of your child and provide treatment at our centers, which also enhances the quality of life for their siblings without ASD.
