One of the key indicators that a child is on the autism spectrum is their inability to read or even care about everyday social cues and indicators. This makes it harder for them to have successful social relationships or experiences, which can damage their self-esteem and sense of belonging.
One of the biggest misconceptions people have is that children with ASD don’t care as much about social acceptance or interaction. While this may be true in some cases, research indicates that most children and adults on the autism spectrum care very much but don’t always have the means to express that.
When we use the term “social skills,” we’re talking about things like:
The more we can do as parents/caregivers, applied behavioral specialists, and educators to strengthen children’s social skills, the more successful children with ASD will be in school, sports, with friends, and at various group events/settings. Also, children with ASD who work to develop their social skills are also less at risk for cyber and social bullying.
Here are seven things you can do to help your child learn and practice “normal” social skills.
Visual teaching tools and cues are some of the most important tools in the box for those of us who work with individuals with autism. That’s especially true if they are non-verbal or have a hard time expressing their emotions.
Using visual tools like PECS Cards helps children identify common facial expressions and what they typically mean or communicate. Learning that a frown can mean someone is mad or sad paves the way for your child to know when something they’ve done or said hurt someone’s feelings OR allows them to practice empathy by saying, “You look mad or sad. Would you like to tell me about it?”
Basic visuals, like facial expressions, can be expanded into work or storyboards that show what we do when we see someone fall down or how to ask for a break if we’re feeling overwhelmed. For example, you can use visual cards to create examples of things like:
These visual memories create learned behaviors that improve how children interact with their peers and adults.
Everybody has their own social blindspots, whether you have ASD or not. Identifying your child’s blind spot and then creating some set rules that prevent them from putting their foot in their mouths is helpful.
For example, your child may have very particular food preferences and aversions. So, in all honesty, they may state to a friend (or their parent), “I don’t like your food.” or “Your food is gross and I won’t eat it.” Instead, you can teach your child to say things like, “I’m sorry, but I can only eat certain things. I have my own snack, and I brought some to share.”
Teaching your child what statements hurt people’s feelings (like negative comments about body type, how a person looks, or their clothing choices) also goes a long way toward preventing them from making some of the most typical “offending” comments or statements that hinder friendships.
The good news is that ASD is widely recognized and far better understood than it has been in the previous 20 to 30 years. As a result, we recommend being transparent with any parents of children who closely associate with your child.
Keeping the communication line open with parents about your situation, your child’s strengths and weaknesses, and what works/what doesn’t makes it easier for everyone to navigate future playdates or birthday parties. You can make them a cheat sheet for “what to do if…” to minimize and effectively manage when things go wrong.
When other adults and children reinforce the work you’ve done, those responses/strategies are familiar to your child. Over time, that increases their chances of social success.
Most parents and behavioral specialists can’t speak highly enough about role-play's importance in strengthening social skills. Sometimes, roleplay is very playacted - like when you’re teaching a child how to greet someone new, “Hello. My name is _______. What’s your name?” or how to leave a playdate, “Thank you for having me over for a playdate Mr./Ms.________.”
We typically recommend role-playing:
Again, teachers and other children’s parents can let you know where your child is struggling with their peers, and this can guide your roleplay subjects.
Positive reinforcement is the name of the game whenever we’re working on optimizing a person’s behaviors and responses. Always use lots of genuine praise (and rewards) when your child interacts positively and respectfully with others - and when you see them using the things you’ve taught them out in the world.
As professional applied behavioral analysts, we are passionate about enabling individuals with ASD to participate in life’s activities. We integrate our services with the family so that the tools and practices we share for your home, the classroom, and elsewhere are 100% personalized to your child, your family, and the household (and academic) goals.
Strengthening our clients’ social skills is a foundation of our work, and we do so in a way that respects their core identities. In other words, we’re not trying to force introverts into being extroverts, but we will help our introvert clients learn how to forge meaningful friendships and connections with others one-on-one and in smaller, manageable groups.
Do you see your child shrinking away from friends and peers rather than blossoming into their best selves? Has your child had repeat issues offending “friends” or being bullied because they don’t know exactly what to say or how to respond? That’s completely normal - and the Autism Response Team (ART) is here to help you.
Contact our office to learn more about our services, how we can support your family, or to schedule an assessment. You can also give us a call at (877) 77-ARTTX (877) 215-3156.
