Children with ASD tend to be more sensitive to outside stimuli and internal pressure or overwhelm, leading to emotional dysregulation and “meltdowns.”
Teaching them skills to regulate their emotional landscape can be a tremendous support, giving children ways to recognize triggers, use practical self-soothing tools, and regulate their emotions.
Teaching emotional regulation in autism leads to more calm in everyday life and helps your child remain more safe, socially engaged, and successful in achieving their daily goals.
Emotional regulation does not mean repressing or stamping out emotions. Practices associated with emotional regulation help children and adults:
All children are sensitive, whether they have ASD or not. They are like human emotional barometers that sense negative emotional weather patterns in those around them. So, if you’re angry, stressed, anxious, or scared, your child will pick up on that - whether you think you’re showing signs of it or not.
One foundational step for teaching emotional regulation to a child with autism is to master the techniques yourself. If you don’t “practice what you preach,” it poses a more significant obstacle for your child. That said, through your efforts and the efforts of teachers, aides, and their ABA therapy, you may find your child is your greatest teacher regarding emotional regulation.
But wouldn’t it be nice if it were the other way around? Your efforts to regulate and find healthy release/expression of your intense emotions is one of the best gifts you can give - and practices you can teach - to your children.
Caregiver Tip: If you struggle to manage your emotions, there’s a good chance you’re experiencing caregiver burnout. Do all you can to get the support you (and your family) need. Autism support groups can be invaluable when it comes to connecting with others who understand what you’re going through and learning essential coping (and thriving) strategies.
When we are hungry (or lacking good nutrition), thirsty, angry, tired, hot/cold, etc., we have more difficulty regulating our emotions. This is how the term “hangry” came to be, right? When we’re hungry, we’re more irritable, a recipe for emotional dysregulation.
A healthy and well-nourished foundation provides a head start for managing emotional well-being.
Eat a nourishing diet and avoid processed foods and refined sugars as much as possible. We know this isn’t always easy, as children with ASD can have strong food aversions. Also, speak to your pediatrician or ABA therapist about how diet affects behavior. They may also have suggestions regarding autism nutrition and the foods that may exacerbate meltdowns and stimming/compulsive behaviors.
Finding ways to sneak nutritious ingredients into the foods they will eat (adding pureed veggies to meatloaf, a protein powder to mashed potatoes or mac-and-cheese, supplements in smoothies, etc) helps them get extra calories, vitamins, and minerals.
Hand flapping, rocking, and shaking - are all common physical manifestations of big emotion or overstimulation. They are also a physical means of releasing pent-up internal energy. Ensuring your child gets plenty of exercise during the day is good for their body and biochemistry (as well as motor coordination), but it also provides an energy release.
Like food aversions, sleep issues are also a common experience for children with autism. But just because they don’t like to fall asleep or struggle to stay asleep doesn’t mean they don’t need it. Continue exploring ways to create a consistent sleep routine for your child, which can notably support their emotional well-being throughout the day.
Visual charts can be constructive for framing emotional states of being, what causes them, and what regulates them. The column on the left has faces with varying degrees of happy or content to very unhappy/upset moving down the columns.
Terminology should be in your child’s words OR your household vocabulary/descriptors.
Draw, create, or print an emotional levels chart and start filling it out with your child. If they are non-verbal, you can guide the process to the best of your ability and based on your observations (and the observations of their teachers, aides, or other caregivers).
Now you can create a “toolkit” set of methods for noticing and shifting emotional states based on your child’s needs and preferences.
What soothes your child? For some, it is a sensory-friendly fabric or toy. Others may calm down when they have access to sound-reducting earphones or a favorite piece of music. Maybe your child finds it easier to self-regulate when they have something to fidget with (preferably something quiet if this will be used in the classroom or other group settings).
You can create self-soothing toolboxes or small kits that your child can have with them in a backpack, fanny pack, or in a cubby at school. These are used as needed to support emotional regulation in public areas.
Different emotional eruptions require different approaches. For example, a moment of general anxiety may be regulated with deep breathing strategies. However, more intense sensory overload may require a physical activity (running in place, jumping on a trampoline, swinging, or skipping) to burn off extra energy.
Discuss some of these common self-soothing strategies and consider which scenarios fit which strategy (matching the emotion to the event).
We love the acronym HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) to remind individuals to stop their repetitive (negative) thoughts or overwhelming feelings and check in with their mind/body. Count slowly to 20 (with nice deep breaths) and ask, “What do I need to feel calmer right now?” Work through the list until you find something that matches where you’re at and what’s possible in that space or moment.
Find an in/out breath count that feels good to your child and repeat that at least five times in a row. Add two extra counts to the exhale for extra parasympathetic system balance.
Everybody needs help from time to time, and getting help or support from a friend or trusted adult is a great way to reset overactive emotions.
If an activity or request at school or home feels like too much, think about a compromise. Maybe you read quietly for 5 minutes before joining in. Maybe you get some extra time to finish an assignment that is challenging. Perhaps you get to work with a single partner rather than a larger group for a project.
The key to teaching emotional regulation to someone with autism (or their caregivers) is to find tools and strategies that are personalized to their needs and the types of things that trigger them. There is no one-size-fits-all answer. Applied behavioral analysis is a proven approach where we learn more about an individual and their household/academic goals and then observe daily interactions and routines to identify what would support the whole.
If your child’s emotional outbursts, meltdowns, or triggers negatively impact daily home or school life, get in touch with the Autism Response Team. We work closely with our clients and their family systems to find emotional regulation strategies and self-soothing tools that allow children to feel more at ease wherever they are.
